I need to tell you some major truths about you and I being single.
It’s good stuff, trust me.
1. Singleness is a freedom you will never get back.
I’m not bashing marriage by any means, but if you do end up getting married and things go well, you will never be single again. And I hope that’s true for you! I hope that if you long to be married, that you get married someday and stay married. But there’s something about being unattached and single that gives you a lot of freedom. I see it as an opportunity. Why wait around for someone to come along, as if that is what determines your “arrival” in this world? Go see the world! Eat all types of food! Climb all the mountains! Learn a new language! You are free to do that. You are free to adventure. You are free to learn to swing dance and be in local theater and write a book. You are free to lose all the weight and gain all the weight you want! When you’re single, you have time to be a good kind of selfish. Take advantage!
Biblically, Paul is with me on this one. He says in 1 Corinthians, “I want you to be free from anxieties…the unmarried [are] anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord.” I just want to encourage you that Paul thinks it’s BETTER that we stay single, because he’s just that sold out on serving Jesus. So, I want to encourage you that being single makes it easier to follow Jesus in so many ways! Rejoice!
2. Singleness has nothing to do with worth or value.
I want to beat down the biggest lie I know that us single people battle. It’s the idea that if you’re dating someone, you’re somehow better or more valuable. Or take this for example: I have a lot of girlfriends growing up who were/are TOTAL BABES. They got asked out a lot. At one point or another every guy has dreamed of ending up with this dream girl, who also happens to be one of my closest friends. So, since boys started liking girls, I’ve always had at least one of those girls by my side. And I used to think that if guys were asking them out but not me, then surely there must be something wrong with me! I must be way uglier, dorkier, and fatter than I ever knew! But that’s not true at all. Guys not asking me out does not mean I am not worth dating. It means a plethora of other things. But my worth isn’t one of them.
Another reason I want to address this lie is because in the Christian world, people tell each other all the time that if you are totally content in being single, then you will find your man/woman the next day. But that’s not true. You know how I know? God doesn’t give us opportunities, relationships, or blessings based off of our performance. If he did, he wouldn’t have died on the cross for all our sins, we could have done that ourselves. God isn’t waiting for you or me to become better at loving ourselves as single people to give us relationships. I think it’s all timing. I think God lets us enter into relationships if we want to, or if it’s the lasting relationship- if now you could glorify him more as a couple than as two single people. In that same passage as earlier, Paul encourages that people should marry if his or her passions are strong, and wants to get married, they should! I think that’s kind of how God feels about it too, and he likes to bless us with people who make us better in Him.
3. Singleness is so not the drama.
It’s great to be single because you aren’t constantly living for another person, making sure that their feelings, opinions and decisions don’t clash with yours. Everyone is fair game for good friendship, and you don’t have deep obligations to any of them. This one goes alongside the freedom one, but I wanted to make it separate so you can realize how good you have it. You don’t have to deal with the agony of a long distance relationship. You don’t have to have a talk about “going too far” physically with your boyfriend/girlfriend. You don’t have to deal with jealousy. Your friends are probably not annoyed, disappointed, or mad at you for ditching them to be with your boyfriend. No one is judging your relationship because it doesn’t exist! That’s so great! And don’t get me wrong, there isn’t one hint of sarcasm in any of this.
I just think it’s so important that while we are all single, we should really embrace it, love ourselves well, and don’t let American or church culture speak lies over our identities. This is a half and half deal, friends! Your friends in couples can only do so much to take care of you as a single person, you’ve gotta do the rest!
4. CHASE JESUS
Now, this is just a piece of the best dang advice I have. In fact, I have no other legitimate advice in the world. Just this. Run after Jesus and his call with all of your heart. Even if right now you are not following him! He is the source of all of these deep desires you have. In reality, your desire for love, companionship, worth and value will only truly come from Jesus. You will only feel completely convinced of all of that in a relationship with the God of the Universe. So, while you’re single, check yourself! Where are you going to in order to fill the void? Probably everywhere else. That’s why we can be so upset about being “alone!” But really, we’re not, we never have to be. Jesus made a way so that we could be with the One who loves us most forevermore.
Now THAT’S romance!
Okay single people, I dare you to go kick life’s BUTT! And if you fall in love with another single person along the way, and can’t help yourself, because God is so good at making people, go for it! Be brave! =)