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Posts Tagged ‘Singleness’

I need to tell you some major truths about you and I being single.

It’s good stuff, trust me.

1. Singleness is a freedom you will never get back.
I’m not bashing marriage by any means, but if you do end up getting married and things go well, you will never be single again. And I hope that’s true for you! I hope that if you long to be married, that you get married someday and stay married. But there’s something about being unattached and single that gives you a lot of freedom. I see it as an opportunity. Why wait around for someone to come along, as if that is what determines your “arrival” in this world? Go see the world! Eat all types of food! Climb all the mountains! Learn a new language! You are free to do that. You are free to adventure. You are free to learn to swing dance and be in local theater and write a book. You are free to lose all the weight and gain all the weight you want! When you’re single, you have time to be a good kind of selfish. Take advantage!

Biblically, Paul is with me on this one. He says in 1 Corinthians, “I want you to be free from anxieties…the unmarried [are] anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord.” I just want to encourage you that Paul thinks it’s BETTER that we stay single, because he’s just that sold out on serving Jesus. So, I want to encourage you that being single makes it easier to follow Jesus in so many ways! Rejoice!

2. Singleness has nothing to do with worth or value.
I want to beat down the biggest lie I know that us single people battle. It’s the idea that if you’re dating someone, you’re somehow better or more valuable. Or take this for example: I have a lot of girlfriends growing up who were/are TOTAL BABES. They got asked out a lot. At one point or another every guy has dreamed of ending up with this dream girl, who also happens to be one of my closest friends. So, since boys started liking girls, I’ve always had at least one of those girls by my side. And I used to think that if guys were asking them out but not me, then surely there must be something wrong with me! I must be way uglier, dorkier, and fatter than I ever knew! But that’s not true at all. Guys not asking me out does not mean I am not worth dating. It means a plethora of other things. But my worth isn’t one of them.

Another reason I want to address this lie is because in the Christian world, people tell each other all the time that if you are totally content in being single, then you will find your man/woman the next day. But that’s not true. You know how I know? God doesn’t give us opportunities, relationships, or blessings based off of our performance. If he did, he wouldn’t have died on the cross for all our sins, we could have done that ourselves. God isn’t waiting for you or me to become better at loving ourselves as single people to give us relationships. I think it’s all timing. I think God lets us enter into relationships if we want to, or if it’s the lasting relationship- if now you could glorify him more as a couple than as two single people. In that same passage as earlier, Paul encourages that people should marry if his or her passions are strong, and wants to get married, they should! I think that’s kind of how God feels about it too, and he likes to bless us with people who make us better in Him.

3. Singleness is so not the drama.
It’s great to be single because you aren’t constantly living for another person, making sure that their feelings, opinions and decisions don’t clash with yours. Everyone is fair game for good friendship, and you don’t have deep obligations to any of them. This one goes alongside the freedom one, but I wanted to make it separate so you can realize how good you have it. You don’t have to deal with the agony of a long distance relationship. You don’t have to have a talk about “going too far” physically with your boyfriend/girlfriend. You don’t have to deal with jealousy. Your friends are probably not annoyed, disappointed, or mad at you for ditching them to be with your boyfriend. No one is judging your relationship because it doesn’t exist! That’s so great! And don’t get me wrong, there isn’t one hint of sarcasm in any of this.

I just think it’s so important that while we are all single, we should really embrace it, love ourselves well, and don’t let American or church culture speak lies over our identities. This is a half and half deal, friends! Your friends in couples can only do so much to take care of you as a single person, you’ve gotta do the rest!

4. CHASE JESUS
Now, this is just a piece of the best dang advice I have. In fact, I have no other legitimate advice in the world. Just this. Run after Jesus and his call with all of your heart. Even if right now you are not following him! He is the source of all of these deep desires you have. In reality, your desire for love, companionship, worth and value will only truly come from Jesus. You will only feel completely convinced of all of that in a relationship with the God of the Universe. So, while you’re single, check yourself! Where are you going to in order to fill the void? Probably everywhere else. That’s why we can be so upset about being “alone!” But really, we’re not, we never have to be. Jesus made a way so that we could be with the One who loves us most forevermore.

Now THAT’S romance!

Okay single people, I dare you to go kick life’s BUTT! And if you fall in love with another single person along the way, and can’t help yourself, because God is so good at making people, go for it! Be brave! =)

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My name is Bridget Gee and I’ve been single most of my life.

Recently, I was talking to some freshmen girls and they were surprised to find out that I’ve only dated one guy and it was when I was 20 years old! They were even more surprised to find out that it’s been 3 years since I’ve dated, especially as a 24 year old. I’m not getting any younger, after all. 😉

I didn’t feel like I needed to defend my singleness, like I have in the past, but instead it felt right, it made sense. I told them that I’d rather go years as a single woman instead of spending valuable time in a relationship that won’t last.

(Side note: This year, I’ve set aside my fears and I don’t think taking risks in relationship is a waste by any means. God teaches us plenty of things even in temporary relationships.)

I’m just glad that I’ve been single for the past couple years, instead of investing myself in relationships that wouldn’t last, and might’ve hurt me more in the long run. But, I’ve been thinking a lot about my singleness lately, as I’ve realized that it’s been several months since I even had a nearby close relationship with the opposite gender. I think it’s good, but it does make me wonder how I function as a single woman. You see, I haven’t been comfortable or happy, or a functioning single person for almost the past 4 years! The last time I was thriving in my singleness was when I was a sophomore in college! I can’t believe that was 4 years ago… In the mean time, I’ve been in a relationship, and a couple unhealthy friendships with guys who felt like more than friends, but were never more than that.

It hasn’t been until the last year that I’ve been able to take a long, hard look at myself and my behavior. What have I been seeking these past couple of years? How have I been bringing my broken messed up heart into friendships and tried to seek attention? What have I been doing that’s actually totally okay and just shows that I long for companionship- the very thing we were created for? There’s always grace! 

So here I am in a new town, with a new life, and I am looking for a new approach to my singleness. Because really guys, as much as the world tells us it is, singleness is not hopelessness. Here are a few thoughts I’ve had recently!

How to Love Single People
Recently, a friend of mine posted a status on facebook, asking her friends in couples to give single people a break. I didn’t tell her, but that status really meant a lot to me because she is, in a very simple way, advocating for her single friends. She’s engaged! I think something that I want to do is speak up as a single person, while I still am one, and help my friends in couples be a little more considerate of us single folk. I know that no one is trying to hurt anyone by being a part of a couple, but there are a few ways I think that single people can be loved better. Here are a few ideas:
1. Talk about more than romance: I don’t know why, but there’s something about being in a group of people that romance always comes up. Now, I’m all about fun, silly conversations, and I care deeply about my friends’ relationships, but sometimes I have felt sort of devalued as a single person when this question comes around, “So Bridget, is there anyone special in your life?” And I’m like, “Yeah, everyone. Ha.” And since it’s a conversation killing question, they move onto someone else who has something more exciting to contribute. So what if the most exciting thing in my life is that I’m getting a bunch of teeth fixed next week? I want to know that I’m valued as a human whether or not I’m in a relationship. Here’s an idea: what if we asked each other how singleness has been?  I feel like that would be a really kind thing to do. Seriously. I would be honored to tell people about my singleness. I would feel very loved if they asked. 

2. Facebook posting: I see so many gushy facebook statuses, and I honestly can stomach more of those than you might think. But here’s the moment when it starts getting to me: when every. single. fb. post. is. about. your. relationship. There’s more to life! That’s all I’m trying to say! I’m glad you found love! But inspire me! Show me that you value more than YOUR relationship. 
3. Initiate: I, being a HIGH extravert, have a hard time initiating hang outs with couples or even halves of couples! I think I’ve been let down multiple times, ditched, or just haven’t had quality time with them that’s it’s hard to swallow my pride, and do it again. Over and over. Here’s the greatest thing about this one: I know we all want friends. So, whether you’re single or in a relationship, we should all be better at initiating quality time with one another. 
4. Consider all things: Every single single person is in a different place about relationships. They might have just broken up with their boyfriend or girlfriend and their ex might be in the room! They might have bigger fish to fry than trying to figure out when they’re next relationship will be. They might struggle with sexuality and identity in the area of relationships. Anyone could be going through anything!
5. Be humble: No one knows everything. And I think a pet peeve of single people is when non-singles try to give advice about how to be content being single or how to find the perfect man. Neither of those is truly helpful. Just to reiterate, I really think asking good questions is the best thing to do. 

To be honest, I just think that the world we live in is all about relationships. There is a wonderful, blessed, uplifting side to that, and a really nasty, dark, and deceiving side to it too. The wonderful side is that God really does want to make our lives about relationships, that we would love each other sacrificially and selflessly. But this broken world has twisted it, and our mindsets about relationships have twisted with it. This world tells us that we don’t have value without a romantic relationship. And sometimes we tell each other that in covert and overt ways. 

The wonderful truth is that we all have value to God, no matter who we are, where we’re at, or who we’re with. I think we’re called to show each other that and defy the culture of this world that always makes us question our worth. 

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