Posts Tagged ‘I don’t want a Boyfriend yet’

I just dreamt that one of my good guy friends confessed his love for me. He basically told me he could not live without me. In the same dream, the guy that I was sort of into had asked me out around the same time. I told them both that I would need a little time to think about it. I ended up picking the one who could not live without me because in the dream, I didn’t imagine myself without him.

I woke up not too long ago. And I have this anxious feeling inside me. If that were happening right now, I would not be so smooth as I was in my dream. I would be freaking out. There are some days where I think that I am so capable of dating and that I’d be the best girlfriend in the world. But there are other days when I just think it would be impossible. I’m not sure where this anxiety comes from. I don’t think I am ready to give myself up to someone else yet. As much as I desire an intimate companionship, I don’t think I’m ready for it.

I do want someone to come along and challenge me to join them in that. (Obviously under the right circumstances, not out of no where.) I don’t necessarily want to be the one who moves that relationship initially. As you have seen in my other blogs, I know what I want, I have specific desires. But, I guess I don’t really want them right now.

All this to say, that anxious feeling is good. It feels weird, but it’s good. I’m 20 years old. Big whoop.


Read Full Post »