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Posts Tagged ‘heart’

I write about love. I write about Jesus. I write about passions. I write about friendships. I just wrote about Valentine’s Day.

It’s always about my heart. The story of my life is that I have never been satisfied. I have chased after things that I think will satisfy me but they never do. It’s an Epic Fail of gargantuan proportion. I think the story of my life could also be that God isn’t satisfied with my love for him. It is the plight of my heart. He is always chasing after me (just like I always wanted, someone to chase me) and always asking for my heart. But I don’t give it to him.

So much in the Bible it talks about loving God with ALL YOUR HEART. I don’t think I do! Because then I think I would be satisfied. I think my relationship with God would be way better.

I came across this series of verses tonight:
Deuteronomy 10
14 To the LORD your God belong the heavens, even the highest heavens, the earth and everything in it. 15 Yet the LORD set his affection on your forefathers and loved them, and he chose you, their descendants, above all the nations, as it is today. 16 Circumcise your hearts, therefore, and do not be stiff-necked any longer. 17 For the LORD your God is God of gods and Lord of lords, the great God, mighty and awesome, who shows no partiality and accepts no bribes. 18 He defends the cause of the fatherless and the widow, and loves the alien, giving him food and clothing. 19 And you are to love those who are aliens, for you yourselves were aliens in Egypt. 20 Fear the LORD your God and serve him. Hold fast to him and take your oaths in his name. 21 He is your praise; he is your God, who performed for you those great and awesome wonders you saw with your own eyes. 22 Your forefathers who went down into Egypt were seventy in all, and now the LORD your God has made you as numerous as the stars in the sky.

Did you read that? I encourage you to go back and really, truly read that. Hear it. Soak in it. My great, awesome and mighty God loves me so much. But that verse- “circumcise your hearts ” threw me off. Now, of course, I know what circumcision is, but I was like, YOU CAN  DO THAT TO YOUR HEART?! So I looked up the word, and while the definition is sexual, the Latin root means, ‘to cut around.’

Later, Deuteronomy 30:6 it says,
The LORD your God will circumcise your hearts and the hearts of your descendants, so that you may love him with all your heart and with all your soul, and live.

So, God wants to cut around my heart, in order that I may love him fully. What needs to be cut away? What am I loving before him? What things do I let latch onto my heart because of my dissatisfaction? Because I long to give my heart away completely to something! I was made to! But nothing- not a person, not a thing, not a passion or hobby will ever fill up my heart as much as Christ. I need to take my heart seriously because if I love other things more than him, my heart will grow into a tumorous mass. I need to take my heart seriously because it’s the only thing I have to offer to the God who offers me everything. I want it to look good and feel good and be a good good heart for him. He deserves my heart just as he made it.

So what about you? What do you love more than the Maker of the Universe? Is it the opposite sex? Is it sex? Is it some hobby? Is it one person? Is it a video game or music or art or your intellect? What do you need to get surgically removed? It’s not just the plight of my heart. This is THE PLIGHT. We all want him. We just don’t quite know it. Everything we want at the core of our wants is Jesus. I promise you that. And he wants us right back. How easy is that?

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Sola

So I am single. I have been single for almost twenty years. Ok, I exaggerate. I probably did not care about being single until I was in 7th grade.

That’s when it all started. Cameron Doran. I idolized him. I dreamed of being with him, holding his hand, and laughing with him. I dreamed of hanging out with him the way older kids do- go on dates, study together, etc. Two things: I didn’t become his friend, and I was 12.

After that silly phase, I had the closest thing to a relationship that I’ve come so far. He was my best friend, but we were too young, so it never went farther, and then it just ended.

Since then, there have been countless guys who I could never have, or didn’t truly want, or couldn’t gather the courage to tell my feelings. I have never been on a real date. I have never been kissed. I have two guy best friends who I consider myself very close to, but not one guy that I have been romantically close with.

I used to think that something was up with me. Do I scare guys? Is there something wrong with me that I can’t see? Are people too afraid to tell me? But that kind of thinking is futile.

Here’s what I have realized. God must be keeping me from something, for something even better. But I also owe something very big to God: a whole heart.

All my life I have been single, but I refused to believe it. I did everything I could to be attatched or as close to unavailable as possible. Most of this behavior has been mental. I have never liked being single, I always yearned to give my heart away and for it to be taken.

That’s unfair to my God though. He yearns to have my heart and take care of it. Even though I have been single all my life, and even though I have been comitted to God all my life, I never have given God my heart fully. Until recently. I have prayed over my aching heart and the struggle it has been through my entire life.

I know I am valued.
I know I am loved.
I know I am beautiful.

But there’s always something missing. Being fully alive in God’s wild love. So what I am up to lately is being single: mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. God calls us to love him with all of our hearts, souls, minds, and strength. Not most of it, ALL OF IT.

I’m not going to be looking for that guy to come around and sweep be off my feet. I’m no longer going to hope that the other guy breaks up with his girlfriend. I’m not going to wait in secret hope that the guy I like is going to all of the sudden fall in love with me. I am going to wait for the beauty God has for me. I will only be satisfied in his love and let him bless me and lavish his love on me.

Because in his time, when my heart is fully his, he will give me the desires of my heart. I have complete faith in that.

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