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Posts Tagged ‘dating’

I need to tell you some major truths about you and I being single.

It’s good stuff, trust me.

1. Singleness is a freedom you will never get back.
I’m not bashing marriage by any means, but if you do end up getting married and things go well, you will never be single again. And I hope that’s true for you! I hope that if you long to be married, that you get married someday and stay married. But there’s something about being unattached and single that gives you a lot of freedom. I see it as an opportunity. Why wait around for someone to come along, as if that is what determines your “arrival” in this world? Go see the world! Eat all types of food! Climb all the mountains! Learn a new language! You are free to do that. You are free to adventure. You are free to learn to swing dance and be in local theater and write a book. You are free to lose all the weight and gain all the weight you want! When you’re single, you have time to be a good kind of selfish. Take advantage!

Biblically, Paul is with me on this one. He says in 1 Corinthians, “I want you to be free from anxieties…the unmarried [are] anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord.” I just want to encourage you that Paul thinks it’s BETTER that we stay single, because he’s just that sold out on serving Jesus. So, I want to encourage you that being single makes it easier to follow Jesus in so many ways! Rejoice!

2. Singleness has nothing to do with worth or value.
I want to beat down the biggest lie I know that us single people battle. It’s the idea that if you’re dating someone, you’re somehow better or more valuable. Or take this for example: I have a lot of girlfriends growing up who were/are TOTAL BABES. They got asked out a lot. At one point or another every guy has dreamed of ending up with this dream girl, who also happens to be one of my closest friends. So, since boys started liking girls, I’ve always had at least one of those girls by my side. And I used to think that if guys were asking them out but not me, then surely there must be something wrong with me! I must be way uglier, dorkier, and fatter than I ever knew! But that’s not true at all. Guys not asking me out does not mean I am not worth dating. It means a plethora of other things. But my worth isn’t one of them.

Another reason I want to address this lie is because in the Christian world, people tell each other all the time that if you are totally content in being single, then you will find your man/woman the next day. But that’s not true. You know how I know? God doesn’t give us opportunities, relationships, or blessings based off of our performance. If he did, he wouldn’t have died on the cross for all our sins, we could have done that ourselves. God isn’t waiting for you or me to become better at loving ourselves as single people to give us relationships. I think it’s all timing. I think God lets us enter into relationships if we want to, or if it’s the lasting relationship- if now you could glorify him more as a couple than as two single people. In that same passage as earlier, Paul encourages that people should marry if his or her passions are strong, and wants to get married, they should! I think that’s kind of how God feels about it too, and he likes to bless us with people who make us better in Him.

3. Singleness is so not the drama.
It’s great to be single because you aren’t constantly living for another person, making sure that their feelings, opinions and decisions don’t clash with yours. Everyone is fair game for good friendship, and you don’t have deep obligations to any of them. This one goes alongside the freedom one, but I wanted to make it separate so you can realize how good you have it. You don’t have to deal with the agony of a long distance relationship. You don’t have to have a talk about “going too far” physically with your boyfriend/girlfriend. You don’t have to deal with jealousy. Your friends are probably not annoyed, disappointed, or mad at you for ditching them to be with your boyfriend. No one is judging your relationship because it doesn’t exist! That’s so great! And don’t get me wrong, there isn’t one hint of sarcasm in any of this.

I just think it’s so important that while we are all single, we should really embrace it, love ourselves well, and don’t let American or church culture speak lies over our identities. This is a half and half deal, friends! Your friends in couples can only do so much to take care of you as a single person, you’ve gotta do the rest!

4. CHASE JESUS
Now, this is just a piece of the best dang advice I have. In fact, I have no other legitimate advice in the world. Just this. Run after Jesus and his call with all of your heart. Even if right now you are not following him! He is the source of all of these deep desires you have. In reality, your desire for love, companionship, worth and value will only truly come from Jesus. You will only feel completely convinced of all of that in a relationship with the God of the Universe. So, while you’re single, check yourself! Where are you going to in order to fill the void? Probably everywhere else. That’s why we can be so upset about being “alone!” But really, we’re not, we never have to be. Jesus made a way so that we could be with the One who loves us most forevermore.

Now THAT’S romance!

Okay single people, I dare you to go kick life’s BUTT! And if you fall in love with another single person along the way, and can’t help yourself, because God is so good at making people, go for it! Be brave! =)

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Ha! You’re probably asking me a couple questions right now:
BG, why the %$#! are you up at 4am?
and
How would YOU know the secret to dating, you’ve never dated anyone?!

Welllllllll,

I’ve come to a conclusion based on what I’ve observed. I have not had a whole lot of dating experience. But everyone around me has. Whether it has been good or bad, I learn things from them. I guess I have been trying to figure out something, some kind of formula…to dating.

In the Christian world (and maybe in the normal world too, haha), there is this intense focus on dating (ok, totally in the normal world too). So many questions have to be answered:
How much of myself do I give away?
When do I decide to commit or quit?
How bold/reserved should I be?
Who makes the next move?
What do I want?
What should I want?
Who’s the one?!?!?!

And people honestly think they can answer those questions! Books, magazines, and the media are filled with ways to improve, attract, and maintain relationships. Girls talk for hours about guys. (Guys talk for hours about girls???) We spend so much time on the subject! But I don’t think there’s a definitive answer or formula to dating.

I think there’s one specific ingredient to all things good: Jesus.

If Jesus is at the center of everything, it will be good. The implications of this are that not every relationship is going to look the same! THERE IS NO FORMULA! We can’t give each other cut and dry answers. If Jesus is involved, it will be good. And that’s what we want isn’t it? Something good?

Jesus.

Easy.

I think this applies to everything, not just dating. But, dating is a hot topic and I have been learning a lot about it lately, and this is the best thing I’ve realized. So, I guess I’ll pray.

Hey Jesus,
Be the center of my life. Be in my every moment, situation, conversation, and relationship. Be the best thing in my life, so that I don’t chase after things like the idea of dating, but instead trust in you fully for something good. Because I know you want to give me that. You are marvelous! You know me. You know what’ll work for me and who’ll click with me. You want me to remain in you as you are in me so that my joy may be complete. Help me remain in you in everything I do. Fill me with joy. I no longer want to wrestle with social questions but rather rest in your hope.
Love you with most of my heart but it needs to be all of it,
Bridget.

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