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Posts Tagged ‘Bridget Gee’

Ha! You’re probably asking me a couple questions right now:
BG, why the %$#! are you up at 4am?
and
How would YOU know the secret to dating, you’ve never dated anyone?!

Welllllllll,

I’ve come to a conclusion based on what I’ve observed. I have not had a whole lot of dating experience. But everyone around me has. Whether it has been good or bad, I learn things from them. I guess I have been trying to figure out something, some kind of formula…to dating.

In the Christian world (and maybe in the normal world too, haha), there is this intense focus on dating (ok, totally in the normal world too). So many questions have to be answered:
How much of myself do I give away?
When do I decide to commit or quit?
How bold/reserved should I be?
Who makes the next move?
What do I want?
What should I want?
Who’s the one?!?!?!

And people honestly think they can answer those questions! Books, magazines, and the media are filled with ways to improve, attract, and maintain relationships. Girls talk for hours about guys. (Guys talk for hours about girls???) We spend so much time on the subject! But I don’t think there’s a definitive answer or formula to dating.

I think there’s one specific ingredient to all things good: Jesus.

If Jesus is at the center of everything, it will be good. The implications of this are that not every relationship is going to look the same! THERE IS NO FORMULA! We can’t give each other cut and dry answers. If Jesus is involved, it will be good. And that’s what we want isn’t it? Something good?

Jesus.

Easy.

I think this applies to everything, not just dating. But, dating is a hot topic and I have been learning a lot about it lately, and this is the best thing I’ve realized. So, I guess I’ll pray.

Hey Jesus,
Be the center of my life. Be in my every moment, situation, conversation, and relationship. Be the best thing in my life, so that I don’t chase after things like the idea of dating, but instead trust in you fully for something good. Because I know you want to give me that. You are marvelous! You know me. You know what’ll work for me and who’ll click with me. You want me to remain in you as you are in me so that my joy may be complete. Help me remain in you in everything I do. Fill me with joy. I no longer want to wrestle with social questions but rather rest in your hope.
Love you with most of my heart but it needs to be all of it,
Bridget.

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The other day I was asked what an average college student’s goals are for their time at school. We agreed that they were: to get a career in order to make money, belong to some sort of community, have fun, and get a hot girlfriend or boyfriend. If you want to step out even further, you might ask: What are an average person’s goals in life? Well, if they are somewhere along the same lines as an average college student’s, then ultimately the goal would be to have purpose. I think sometimes people won’t admit that purpose is what they’re looking for. It’s a definite humility issue to admit that you don’t feel like you have purpose. Still though, I think that’s what people are always looking for. Something to fill them up.

For me, nothing has purpose without Christ. When I was younger, I used to he the kid who didn’t understand why anyone would listen to music that wasn’t about Jesus. I used to make fun of my friends who listened to Limp Bizkit by calling the band Soggy Biscuit. In my youth, I saw no point of singing if it wasn’t about Jesus. Sometimes, I wish I was still like that. For the most part though, it is hard for me to believe that anyone could be complacent without Christ.

You might be reading this thinking, “Oh BG, you’re such a Jesus-y girl, you would never be able to see it any other way.” Well, you’d be right, but I have good reason. Can I make a challenge? If you really knew Christ, if you really had sought him out and read about him and had all your questions answered, then you would not be complacent. I have a ton of respect for those who have learned all about my Savior and still haven’t chosen him. (Because beyond that, it’s all a heart issue.) When you know Jesus, and I mean KNOW him, not just about him, nothing is going to satisfy you. No amount of attention from the gender you prefer, no amount of substance, no amount of popularity, purpose in your work, family,  nothing is going to make you full.

I think I’ve said this about a thousand times, but I’ll say it again. Jesus is the only thing that will get in there, down deep in the crevices and cracks, the darkest places that only you know exist but hardly bother to pay any attention, only he can clean it out, make it feel good. Jesus can turn the mundane into the most joy-filled fun!

So what I’m trying to say is, you might be someone who is happy with your life. You might find purpose in your boyfriend, your school work, your good deeds, your friends or family, or even partying. But I’m going to say that it’s not enough. I promise you that Jesus is so much better than all of those things, more fulfilling than all of those feelings.

I am convinced that he is the best thing. And how could I keep that from anyone? I need you all to know. But you need to be convinced yourself. That doesn’t usually happen magically. You have to go through some amount of discomfort to get the most beautiful thing in existence.

I dare someone to prove me wrong with their life.

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Dearest,

I have an indescribable affection for you.
Some may say I am crazy for it.
But I love you.
Everything about you.
You are so funny and delightful.
You make me laugh when you don’t even know it.
I want to be around you.
I want to spend time with you.
I want to video chat with you and text you and call you on the phone and talk to you all day long.
I want to go on adventures with you.
I want to send you stuff in the mail.
I want to make you laugh and smile and your heart beat harder.
I want to stare at your face for a whole day.
I want to hug you. And hug you. And hug you.
I want to celebrate your birthday with you.
I want to sing you songs I wrote about you.

I want to say all of this to you.
But you can’t hear me.
You don’t always notice me.
Because I am not as big to you as you are to me.
Love, Bridget

So this, this is the story of my life. I am the person singing Jason Mraz’s song “If it Kills Me.” I have always longed after those who belong to someone else. It’s not funny at all. I have always carried a torch for someone who was unattainable in someway. Let’s not go into the reasons for that, but instead the light that was shed on this situation for me. I found myself mentally writing this letter that I cannot send and feeling like, if only he could see this, he would love me back. But obviously, humans have free will. So as I wrote this poem or letter in my mind (plus or minus a few details) God said something striking to me.

Dear Bridget,

Insert your letter here.

Love, God.

Whoa, God. Wait a minute. No way, I totally notice you. (My heart drops.)

God wants me. He wants me so bad. The difference between me and him? He sends me the letter. And his love is perfect. It shows up in the trees and the gorgeous autumn of the Sonoran Desert. It shows up in the laughter of those around me. It shows up in a friend’s hug. It shows up in provision and healing and random bursts of joy. I don’t deserve it, but I get the letter. Whether I read it and respond is a whole other issue.

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Sola

So I am single. I have been single for almost twenty years. Ok, I exaggerate. I probably did not care about being single until I was in 7th grade.

That’s when it all started. Cameron Doran. I idolized him. I dreamed of being with him, holding his hand, and laughing with him. I dreamed of hanging out with him the way older kids do- go on dates, study together, etc. Two things: I didn’t become his friend, and I was 12.

After that silly phase, I had the closest thing to a relationship that I’ve come so far. He was my best friend, but we were too young, so it never went farther, and then it just ended.

Since then, there have been countless guys who I could never have, or didn’t truly want, or couldn’t gather the courage to tell my feelings. I have never been on a real date. I have never been kissed. I have two guy best friends who I consider myself very close to, but not one guy that I have been romantically close with.

I used to think that something was up with me. Do I scare guys? Is there something wrong with me that I can’t see? Are people too afraid to tell me? But that kind of thinking is futile.

Here’s what I have realized. God must be keeping me from something, for something even better. But I also owe something very big to God: a whole heart.

All my life I have been single, but I refused to believe it. I did everything I could to be attatched or as close to unavailable as possible. Most of this behavior has been mental. I have never liked being single, I always yearned to give my heart away and for it to be taken.

That’s unfair to my God though. He yearns to have my heart and take care of it. Even though I have been single all my life, and even though I have been comitted to God all my life, I never have given God my heart fully. Until recently. I have prayed over my aching heart and the struggle it has been through my entire life.

I know I am valued.
I know I am loved.
I know I am beautiful.

But there’s always something missing. Being fully alive in God’s wild love. So what I am up to lately is being single: mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. God calls us to love him with all of our hearts, souls, minds, and strength. Not most of it, ALL OF IT.

I’m not going to be looking for that guy to come around and sweep be off my feet. I’m no longer going to hope that the other guy breaks up with his girlfriend. I’m not going to wait in secret hope that the guy I like is going to all of the sudden fall in love with me. I am going to wait for the beauty God has for me. I will only be satisfied in his love and let him bless me and lavish his love on me.

Because in his time, when my heart is fully his, he will give me the desires of my heart. I have complete faith in that.

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