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Posts Tagged ‘attention’

Dearest,

I have an indescribable affection for you.
Some may say I am crazy for it.
But I love you.
Everything about you.
You are so funny and delightful.
You make me laugh when you don’t even know it.
I want to be around you.
I want to spend time with you.
I want to video chat with you and text you and call you on the phone and talk to you all day long.
I want to go on adventures with you.
I want to send you stuff in the mail.
I want to make you laugh and smile and your heart beat harder.
I want to stare at your face for a whole day.
I want to hug you. And hug you. And hug you.
I want to celebrate your birthday with you.
I want to sing you songs I wrote about you.

I want to say all of this to you.
But you can’t hear me.
You don’t always notice me.
Because I am not as big to you as you are to me.
Love, Bridget

So this, this is the story of my life. I am the person singing Jason Mraz’s song “If it Kills Me.” I have always longed after those who belong to someone else. It’s not funny at all. I have always carried a torch for someone who was unattainable in someway. Let’s not go into the reasons for that, but instead the light that was shed on this situation for me. I found myself mentally writing this letter that I cannot send and feeling like, if only he could see this, he would love me back. But obviously, humans have free will. So as I wrote this poem or letter in my mind (plus or minus a few details) God said something striking to me.

Dear Bridget,

Insert your letter here.

Love, God.

Whoa, God. Wait a minute. No way, I totally notice you. (My heart drops.)

God wants me. He wants me so bad. The difference between me and him? He sends me the letter. And his love is perfect. It shows up in the trees and the gorgeous autumn of the Sonoran Desert. It shows up in the laughter of those around me. It shows up in a friend’s hug. It shows up in provision and healing and random bursts of joy. I don’t deserve it, but I get the letter. Whether I read it and respond is a whole other issue.

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